i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
