Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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