Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
