his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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