you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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