i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
