we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize