I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
