Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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