I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
