I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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