If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
