all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
