Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
