saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
