Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
