we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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