you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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