dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
