Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
