He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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