I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
