I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
