You made me cry and you don't even care
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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