I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
