i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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