are you still at the devil's house?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
