that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
