So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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