Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
