Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
