i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
