Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
