I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
