I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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