whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
