love makes seman taste better
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize