just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
