I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
