I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
