i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
