Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
