im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I looked at my own cervix.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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