who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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