so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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