Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
