I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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