nut hugger
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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