I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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