as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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