Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
