So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
