I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
