This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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