You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
