RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we made out on top of his cat.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
