I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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