i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
