I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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