Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
