Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
