Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
