the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
