I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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