I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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