hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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