it hurts more in the daytime
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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