I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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