these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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