I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
